Trickle Theory

So today was supposed to be deadline for website revamp--
that didn't happen.
Still need to meet w/ Steve again to edit "WINTERTHRU" &
"AERO" end credits.
Haven't really forwarded Chris one thing...
all that time in the coffeeshop on Saturday,
and it's still outline.
No specifics.

It's the worst feeling...
just the more I plan & jot ideas,
the less formed it gets.
Ready to go KABLOOIE at any moment.
Feel that way continuously about the next music video too.
Got a meeting w/ Juliet for Art Dept tonight
& I've already met w/ Deb re. set design.
But locations are still TBD
I don't even have my female lead,
despite multi E-M's & inquiries
(I even tracked down model from Johnny Cupcakes billboard,
but she was going to be out-of-state in grad school during
proposed shoot dates).
Nothing feels like it's getting done...
not the website or music video prep.
And barely made a dent in credit card payments,
let along Best Buys or loans.

I do wonder if I was doing this FT
if I'd be more up on my game
or would I degenerate to sloth?
Do I need some structure
for me to craft virility out of miasma?
Schedule this that & something else,
but where does it all lead?
I don't feel any closer to a career now,
than 6 years ago.
Although I have the tangibles,
where are they really getting me?
500+ hits on YouTube?
Yet look at Leah Meyerhoff
the same short & 2 music videos
in every freakin' film fest
every day
for years now
She's working it CONSTANTLY.

I'm lucky I made the Hawaii Int'l deadline.
If I wanted to submit something tomorrow...
I couldn't because--
A) "AERO" needs to be cut down to at least 25 mins.
B) I need to follow-up on my fest research for music videos
C) I've already allotted today's paycheck to bills & editing
D) website isn't up to date

So every weekday morning I get up super-early
just so I can come into the office
& trickle trickle trickle.
Another reason why I've been squeamish about blogging daily,
time doing this is time away
(from Facebook? from Twitter? from myspace?
from today's action-packed buffoonery of "Dick Tracy"?)
from "the work".
I feel like refried crap in a can
my diet's poor
& I can't shed 20 lbs.
I am constantly depressed & de-sensitized,
but I have to finish.
At least give "AERO" a fighting shot
& Ad's music video has to be the bee's knees.
I promised.

So send out some E-M's
re-label some photos
go through my notes
research the one short film distributor who's gotten in touch
& prep.
Always prep.