Emo Is NOT An Energy

Well that was anti-climactic...
A cancels @ 5:15PM.
I'm an hour 45 min down I-93/SE-XWay
having left work early
just so I could park the work truck in Braintree
& take the T back into town.
We chat for a few minutes--
"What's going on?"
& I'm listing my annual accomplishments.
Nearing the Braintree split the traffic grows panicky & dense
& we say our respective "so long's".
I'll aim for New Years in Montreal
but money will be a prime factor.

So this is all par for the course...
nothing happening. Constant stasis.
Set-up meetings but ultimate no-shows.
A plenum in the editing suite
w/ all this work-- "AERO", the music vids, my reel
but nowhere to go until the tab is paid.
No fest circuit, no screenplay comp wins
just the 'dolph of my suspended adoloscence...
a purgatory of doubts & soft whining.

Haven't been too inspired w/ the blog this time round.
This past month's typings just a series of slots...
tapping & plugging the empty, fermented air.
Not a whole lot to report either 'tween projects.
I mean, my life is pretty listless.
What did I do in my free time yesterday,
when I wasn't meeting w/ A?
Did I go to glorious places & meets kings & princes
& imbue golds?
No, the steady regulatory diastole of my existence
is canned soups & Monday mornings.
The depression isn't inspiring.
Do you really want to hear how I watched the end
of Woody Allen's "Everything You Wanted To Know About Sex
*But Were Afraid To Ask"?
Or that I got gooey & nostalgic for childhood &
watched the recent Children Need's Special w/
Tennant's Doctor #10 meeting Peter Davison's #5
(3) times yesterday? Even right before I went to bed.
Oh what a dream job Russell T. Davies has.
What a veritable cosmos.

Yup, that's me.
Watch watch watch...
filler food as Netflix & library rentals.

I am driven by my temper.
This blah of daily existence is horrible.
"What I Did..." was (5) years of showing Carolyn & Chicago
"Look what I can do!".
And "AERO" has been nothing less...
K settling for lowest common comfort
while I push & push & break to the next level
(hopefully).
My ego unchecked is a madman w/ a mic &
I shall rage against the storm...
but the past (6) years has taken its toll.
My anger is tanned & thin tin
& there is little left but residual impulse at times.
Meanwhile, the sadness & the second-guessing
(what if I had re-located to London in my 20's?
why I'd have Davies' job!)
is constant.

But I am reminded of the old caution--
"Every day you don't write, the bastards win".
So this blog will continue, y'all.
At least until tomorrow.