The Melted Treadmill

Seems no one returns my calls.

Deparately needing to finish "Water & Wood" music video edit...
realize Steve just had a kid but Annette's getting impatient.
I can't blame her.
What? we shot original footage in June!
(and yes I know there was re-shoot last month)
But here it is late Oct
and Annette has nothing to show for her husband's money
and I have nothing to upload onto website.
Everything is in Steve's Final Cut Pro.
I'm 85% paid up on video so I can't feel guilty about monies.
Just can't stand this back-and-forth w/ the phone.
Spoke w/ Steve last Monday & he said to call over the weekend.
Which is exactly what I did.
Grrrr.

And no matter how many Contact Sheets, Budget Updates,
or Shot Lists I do for impending Walter Sickert music video...
now just a mere (2) weeks away
It still feels ephemeral.
Band's on the road until day-before-shoot
so all correspondence at this point is long-distance.
Plus Stu isn't getting back to me about Hubbardston location scout
which we needed to do weeks ago.
He E-M'ed finally & suggested today
but that was all of (24) hrs heads-up.
I need more than that for keys retrieval & work
so I suggested later this week.
But he didn't return my voicemail.
C'mon!

This has been typical of the last few months,
nothing moving nothing happening.
Despite all the penny-pinching & cajoling...
I'm dialing but no one's picking up.
I'm clapping erasers & cleaning blackboards
but no one found the chalk.
I'm sprinting but no one's in the stands.
Addt'l profound analogies & so on.

Then there's the missed film fest deadlines
for "AERODYNAMICS".
Oh don't get me started on trailer
(I can feel responsible w/ $3 grand bill
& Steve's patience w/ THAT)!
Plus the infrequent screenwriting,
the lackadasical jogging/work-out routine,
the general malaise re. my living situation.

The past (4) years seem meaningless now
& I'm buckling.
Just burnt out.
Nothing's worth this.
Where's the results?
Lodged in a computer?

An epiphany of sorts this weekend
alone in an empty house
the hours stretched out w/ no friends,
no gal.
No product.
This is how it's going to be for me
until the godawful end.